"When Johnny Comes Marching Home"

This is a painting of my first husband in Vietnam in 1969. He sent me the photo while he was there I cherish it because it has his wedding band in it, he lost his ring in Vietnam along with his ring finger and both of his legs because he stepped on a landmine during his tour of duty. He landed in Vietnam July 21 when Man landed on the Moon and the saying that rang around the world that year was "One small step for man... one giant leap for mankind". That saying has always had special meaning for me because he was landing on a type of moon that same day.

I painted this while reading a book called "Women who run with the wolves". by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  In chapter 12, Marking Territory: The Boundaries of Rage and Forgiveness. We had a book/painting group reading the book and creating works for each chapter.

My response to this chapter was ..." I had a pretty happy childhood. Lots of love and fun and friends.
I married young and had lots of dreams for our future. Then one morning I was woke up by my parents whispering and my Mom crying and my Dad trying to calm my Mom as they were carrying a telegram down the hallway to me as I lay in a feigned sleep state because I overheard their suppressed whispers as to what the telegram meant and I did not want the reality of it interrupting my life so I tried to squeeze my eyes very tightly shut so that it might be a dream after all...but alas I was awake and the telegram was opened and read.
This was the beginning of rage for me. The painting is of my first husband while he was stationed in Vietnam. He stepped on the land mine in Vietnam and what happened to us as a result of it was the beginning of a most terrible rage that wanders on even today.
I couldn't talk about what happened for a long time with out bursting into tears because the rage and pain were so intertwined in this event. Our marriage did not survive the rage, the alcohol, the traumatic PTSD issues along with the fact that the military didn't address the emotional effects of his losses and the trauma that he experienced at the age of 20 took a horrendous toll on his psyche and mine too.
After the September 11 attacks it was as though I was right back there in that time of fear and uncertainty of Vietnam once again. But with therapy and love I have come to forgive." My paintings help to bring joy into my life and I can share it with others.
Johnny is still a wounded warrior ravaged by PTSD and alcohol abuse as he has never received the counseling that he so badly needs. He has a terrible time accepting help or admitting that he isn't fine.
This picture was a Polaroid that a buddy of his took in Vietnam and he sent it to me, it was the last photo of him as a whole innocent boy/man with worry in his eyes but hope in his heart for our future.